Homo-Alert: Australia

As if you needed another reason besides Jemaine's cockandballs to hate all over Australia, check out this fucked up piece of news which caught my eye during my routine morning googlization of "hang spoons from nipples":

PERTH, Australia (AFP) — An Australian barmaid who entertained patrons by crushing beer cans between her bare breasts and hanging spoons off her nipples has been fined, police said Wednesday. Luana De Faveri, 31, was fined 1,000 dollars while an off-duty colleague, Tracey Leslie, 43, has been fined 500 dollars for hanging spoons from De Faveri's nipples.

Um, what a bunch of queerballs. Crushing beer cans between your bare breasts is awesome and HARD, y'all, just ask Diana. That shit is an art, and that barmaid is an artist, it's like if someone tried to fine Robbie Williams.

Also, I wish I had an off-duty colleague who'd fucking hang spoons off my nipples! In the past every time I'd ask Lily to help me out she'd get all coy and say "now now, you know I can't give away my secret techniques" and I'd say "Uch spread the WEALTH" but recently when we went to the Tyra Banks show and had to pass through metal detectors for Tyra's protection the truth came out as Lily whispered to the security guard "I can't go through there, my nipples are magnetic." CHEATER!

In any case, I knew I never liked Australia, what with their koala wrestling and those motherfucking Outback Steakhouse commercials, but this tatter-intolerance seals the deal yo.