So, last night, after going to a German restaurant and drinking all-you-can-drink beer until closing time, I decided it would be a great idea to break into the Chinese Olympic Stadium, also known as The Bird's Nest, and steal some shit.
So after getting dropped off by the cab near some gate to a migrant worker camp, my three friends and myself start planning our entrance. We knew how to say International Olympic Quality Committee in Chinese, so we decided to go with that. We're American inspectors for the International Olympic Quality Committee coming to inspect the construction of the new stadium. And just in case, we all had 100 RMB bills in our hands.
We walked through the gate, and started to celebrate, thinking we'd just made it into the stadium without any problems, then a guard started shouting at us and we freeze. This is when our first stroke of genius comes in. The guard tells us we have to leave, but, in broken Chinese, we plead that we just want to look around and we're Americans and we can't make it to the Olympics so we just want to see the beautiful stadium because it's so impressive. After about 10 minutes of this, he finally lets us in, for a price of course...
So we were on the compound, but we had to cross a field that reminded me of 1942 Stalingrad. Trenches, barbed wire, heavy machinery, and flood lights were everywhere. We cross the field, avoiding several guards and workers, and get to the stadium itself. Well, then there was nothing to do but start climbing. After finding a staircase, we climbed over the guardrail and starting walking up to the top tier. This is when stroke of genius no. 2 hits, and we decide we should probably piss everywhere. One of my friends drops a deuce in the middle of the stairwell. It was not pretty, but it had to be done.
Finally we get to the top tier, after running across a steel girder spanning a 200 foot drop. This is about when I called fellow bloggers, only one of whom answered. You know who you are.
Ok, this is getting long, so I'll sum up. We got out into the seats (which was an amazing view) and found a box and decided it needed to be opened, and it turned out it contained like 15 seats that hadn't been installed yet, so we all stole one. Now I have a seat from the Olympics in my closet sitting on my laundry and I have to find a way to bring it home and turn it into a chair so I can put it in my room at school and show it off.
Ok I'm out.
A Dogg
3 comments:
you are so lame.
also i will be appropriating that seat as one of my many presents.
also did your friend really take a shit in the olympic stadium, or did you add that in to spice up your story
Everything I wrote was true. And there's no fucking way you're getting that chair.
wait he dumped inside the stadium? what do you mean it had to be done? i dont think that had to be done. you need to come back to america.
also is that stadium finished? why does it have so many holes in the roof? what if it rains?
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